Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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