I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
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The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
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Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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