I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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