oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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