Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
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i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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