my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize