I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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