Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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