So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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