Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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