So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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