my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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