I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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