FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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