You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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