a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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