i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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