I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize