dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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