I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm both gender and math confused
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