enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize