so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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