I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
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the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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