Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize