Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize