Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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