it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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