Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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