all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
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okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
the raccoons are back...
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