I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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