Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?

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(858): So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis? http://tfl.nu/f1iy

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(519): View more from Ontario

He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest

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(519): He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest http://tfl.nu/yyal

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.

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(505): Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before. http://tfl.nu/42ka

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(650): View more from California

We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.

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(650): We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag. http://tfl.nu/1x8m

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(248): View more from Michigan

He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of

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(248): He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of http://tfl.nu/1krw

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(248): View more from Michigan

im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...

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(248): im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend... http://tfl.nu/rj6y

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(407): View more from Florida

She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".

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(407): She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high". http://tfl.nu/d3ih

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(907): View more from Alaska

I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.

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(907): I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled. http://tfl.nu/g1t3

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(630): View more from Illinois

Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.

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(630): Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head. http://tfl.nu/xpy4

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(775): View more from Nevada

Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer

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(775): Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer http://tfl.nu/5k0a

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(914): View more from New York

true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"

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(914): true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS" http://tfl.nu/3w8r

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states

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(860): I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states http://tfl.nu/e5c2

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over

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(610): first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over http://tfl.nu/fqcy

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(803): View more from South Carolina

He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...

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(803): He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation... http://tfl.nu/sr4l

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.

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(570): It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk. http://tfl.nu/rmsw

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