Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
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He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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