I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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