yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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