Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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