I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
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You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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