sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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