dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize