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so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
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