I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize