Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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