Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize