Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize