you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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