dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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