Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
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I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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