NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
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I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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