i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize