paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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