New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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